04.11.2010

I really don't know anymore.
Why do people always hope for you, when they can't hope for themselves? Like they know your pain. And if you tell them, they say they understand. But they don't. Because you're the one that suffers. Not them. You feel that terrible pain that consumes you.
They just try to act like they care.
I don't know why they want to know. They really don't care. They just want to have something to talk about. They make fun of you, of you being hurt, while you cry, and cry until you just can't breathe no more.
It happens to me everytime. I'm sick of this. But what can I do?
I wish that the fake smile and the Happy Mask would still work. But not anymore.
I don't know why. It's hard to fake the smile of "I am so happy!" every moment.
I want to have rain all the time. So I can go outside, and cry, because no one will see me.
If I cry now, they will ask me. And I don't want to give them answers.
I don't want them in my life, even if I need them.
It hurts so much knowing that some people I love just laugh at my sorrow...
They just don't understand. They don't even try to. They just... fake that sad face, and give me that cold hug, that I rather not recieve...
I wonder why... What have I done to deserve this? I never hurt noone... I never laughed at people... I always put myself on last place, and them on the first... For what?
For nothing...
I just got back rejection, yellings, screams, hits and ignorance...
Where's the trust?
Where's the love?
Where are those friends that you can always count on, when you need them the most?
They are all gone... Because, they don't need you. Not when you need them...
I really don't know anymore....
All I know is that this hurts...