November 29, 2012

It’s too late to be thinking this hard.

There are too many things my head is trying to run through, the way we go through file cabinets, I’m going through all of the things I want to remember. 
“You hold onto things too tightly,” you said to me. 
And I do, I want to dig my nails into the spine of everyone. 
It’s too much sometimes, like I’m carrying weights inside my chest where piles of somethings, anythings, and everything's rest. I’m even tucking away all of the nothings and things I wish I’d forget, hoarding memories until they rot between my bones. 
I use words to lay everything out neatly, to revisit and let my lungs expand a little wider but now I can’t find the right words to use, or maybe I am out of them. They are lost underneath everything I no longer want to remember: the way his hands felt on me, two heartbeats (mine and one I did not recognize) loud in my ears. And your face, the way it flickers like a candle’s flame on the back of my neck and how it never dies out.

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