& on a side note... just thought I should throw this here.

I'm done giving a shit. this time for sure. I just can't care anymore. as numb as never, I'm quitting affairs with feelings, especially with people.

what the fuck do you want from me, & why all these reproaches & why for? I do & say what I want anyway, so don't waste your breath. fuck you, simple as that.

I really don't need you to tell me how to live MY OWN FUCKING LIFE. 

...fragmente.

Second sight...
Sunt unele momente cand iti amintesti de anumite intamplari din viata ta... fragmente de viata, ca o poza in rama ramase intiparite in mintea ta... Amintiri ce poate te fac sa plangi... sa plangi de bucurie.
Ne-am schimbat toti, suntem grabiti, nu mai acordam timpul necesar pentru a trai cu adevarat... toti avem diferite probleme, griji si alte nu stiu ce. Sad, daca sa te gandesti ca toate au timpul lor si ca poate peste ani nu o sa ai urme ale trecutului in suflet, poate nici macar o umbra.
Stop for a minute and smile...
Detasarea pentru o clipa de obisnuit, si de ceea ce iti ocupa majoritatea timpului este the best thing you can do for yourself.
Intr-o lume in care nu mai exista timp, sa rupi din realitate pentru o clipa de vis, could do more than you can imagine.
Not all that glitters is gold, but shining for a while is a little piece of heaven you can get yourself.

"everybody dies, but not everybody lives..."

 

so far, so gone...

I wish I could stop the time, hold it still in my hands and sort it out...

"I don't have the time, and I don't have the patience..."

I need to find a place. I’m going to find a place. a place to write it all, and be real, and honest, and I’m not going to be afraid of my own words in others minds anymore. I need to find myself… or, create myself? something about doing and being more than here. to do that I have to buckle down a little and deal with the need. 

"But everybody knows that a broken heart is blind."

I have a bad feeling. I have a feeling of not being good enough. I feel like that’s normal seeing as from here on out the future is unknown and I’ll be thrown right in the middle of it. I just hate not feeling good enough. I don’t feel good enough for anyone.

I wish I could be the type of person I want to be. you know, pretty, have money, have car, be successful. I don’t know. I just don’t like who I am right now.

I'm about to fucking lose it.

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.”

this is the hardest thing for me. all I want is to be with you. being able to call you 'mine' made all of this worth while. but the most important thing to me is seeing you happy. your happiness comes before mine. if that means I have to be broken hearted, so be it. I just want you to be happy. if you ever want me, I’ll be waiting. I love you more than anything. please just know and remember that.

“What we always fear and loathe becomes of us,
Repay the visit of our loss, reset the marks again.
The turning point seems to be holding on.

Sands of ages and the stars above -
everchanging as the same hearts beat, repeating ‘til the end.
Seas of slander and the soil we walk -
everchanging as the same hearts beat.

It ends up all the same.
The sail that never knew the wind, barren and lost,
our wrecks these shores will never reach, a trek on darker trails.
Let days be done (let days be done),
it takes forever.”

...in the end, everybody's like YOLO and I'm here like... damn.

I think... I'm going insane.

Oh, I'm not addicted to drugs. I'm addicted to being hurt. It may seem berserk, but none of these stress relievers work. Poppin pill after pill, trying to get my head straight, trying to over power the pain until the next day. But it ain't happening. I'm an addict that's half asleep, while the other half of me is trapped in a series of bad dreams. My current postion was trippin' on trees of acid casts, until my eyes collapsed and suicide was an aftermath. 
I guess I'm insane indeed, 'cause no matter what the fuck I do you never seem happy. Adapting to stronger drugs, larger quantites, killing myself constantly, my eyes start to bleed. The feeling of being alive just isn't enough, serenches I stuff with heroine, I'm feeling the rush inside of my veins.
Maybe because you made me that way, turn me into a monster I would have never became. Creating thoughts of dying eventually severed my brain, irritated my vains, intoxicated my system. It went on for days, I had cravings of wisdom. I wanted your fuckin' opinion so I'm making you listen. Listen to all of the pain I've been feeling recently, killed myself and only now do you realize that you miss me.
I'm falling down erasing memories you gave to me, I'm still alive and nothing you can say can make me breathe. So please take away the pain that hurts me, I don't wanna be alone and thirsty. So many drugs to push the pain I have entrapped in me, 'cause I don't wanna live my life inside this fantasy. So please take away the pain that fills me, I don't wanna be the one that kills me.
I can't take this pain 'cause I'm dying, I can't close my eyes 'cause I'm crying. 'Cause these pills have taken' over my brain, side effects causes pain, I think I'm going insane.

2012.

Like WOW, a mai trecut un an. Cum si cand, nici nu realizez. Sincer acum, timpu` a trecut foarte repede, si nu pot sa spun ca am profitat de el.
Tot timpul a fost about him. M-am concentrat numai pe el. N-am facut nimic pentru mine. Insa nu e paguba. Stiu k asta nu se va schimba ever, si k el o sa fie mereu number one in my life, si k intotdeauna am sa las totul la o parte pentru el.
Asa, bun, am terminat cu asta.
Decembrie a fost o luna de nebunie. Multe party`uri, mult frig si mult... ceva.
Am fost prin Campina cu Bro, am dansat, am ras, ne-am facut new friends. A fost suuuuper, si chiar ma bucur k am facut si eu o chestie noua. [pe care am sa continui sa o fac]
Regrete pe 2011? Nu. N`am eu regrete, chiar deloc. I live it to the fullest, and I don't really give a fuck.
It's my life and it's now or never, deci n`am timp sa ma plang pentru k am facut greseli.
Da, am facut multe, dar nu`mi pare rau. Si nici n`o sa imi para. Pentru k timpul trece mult prea repede k sa am pareri de rau.
+ de asta, we only live once.

Da, cik sa sciu pe blog... N-am nici inspiratie. 
In fine. 
Bye.